Captains Log, stardate 20090411

Recap of the week:

Admitted on Monday afternoon after having chest pain and tingly limbs, followed by collapsing on the floor of my room. Paul gallantly drove me to the hospital in his Hyundai Elantra. (It was sooooo..... (eye roll) comfortable).

The ER was a touch busy so I spent the night in the trauma unit. The neurology team was very thorough and actually treated me like a person which was a refreshing change. Got a catheter put in (kinda). First try was a miss, peed the bed. A lot. Second try was a keeper.

Tuesday afternoon I ventured up to the neurology floor. Panoramic views of Beacon Hill which everyone told me were lovely but I could see not at all, due to the minor issue of not being able to move my head or neck. Everyone took really good care of me, minus Nurse Patience, who tried to smother me (and not with love). After yanking my hair out and telling me that if I didn't try I would never get better (she should be a motivational speaker), she then asked if I was Catholic. When I responded no, she said, "Oh, Jewish," snickered, and proceeded to sing a Catholic Hymn while smothering/naked washing me.

That lovely little episode earned me a trip to the ICU. Apparently being smothered is not conducive to getting better...or breathing with a tube stuck down your throat. The fluid accumulating in my lungs certainly didn't help matters.

Luckily, my ICU neurology team was led by Hollywood's Jeff Daniels. Seriously. They did poke me a minimum of 25 times in an attempt to get arterial blood. I don't know if you have ever had arterial blood taken but take it from me: don't try this at home kids. Let's just say BLOOD EVERYWHERE. And the doctor was wearing a welder's mask.

Now on Saturday, April 11, I am semi mobile and have learned a valuable lesson about narcotics: don't do drugs.  Nausea greatly overwhelms induced loopiness. 

Dictated by Madison Atkins, transcribed by Paul Brower, DDS.